Grandparents

I stumbled on this parenting site today and am curious to see if the model they are using works. They are linking with parent bloggers out there on parenting topics, this particular one being how to deal with grandparents.

More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle

I've heard some pretty amusing stories of grandparents seeming to have lost touch entirely with their parenting skills by the time their kids have offspring. From indulging them with sugary treats and overloading them with toys and gifts to saying "they wanted to" as a reason for jumping on the furniture, some grandparents seem to have thrown their judgment out the window when it comes to their new little darlings. But I think there is a certain natural flow from parent to grandparent that allows for more indulgences, and it is part of the bonding between grandchild and grandparent.

In our family's case, seeing the grandparents is a big treat for all of us, because they live far away and so it requires a plane trip for us or them to get together. We are lucky, too, that our parents respect the choices we have made as parents and do their best to follow our rules when they are spending time with Adelaide. But I think it goes both ways, because I am able to be more relaxed about what is and isn't okay when the grandparents are in charge because it is really a treat, and Adelaide knows that. I agree with the conclusions this video clip comes to for the most part, but for parents that are relying on a grandma for fairly consistent babysitting I do think that having a conversation and laying some ground rules is important. In the case of parents and grandparents whose styles differ in the extreme, the parents need to choose their battles and come to an agreement with the grandparents on what things simply aren't acceptable. As a mom you have to play the bad cop all the time with the kids, so suck it up and talk to your mom or mother-in-law about the ice cream for breakfast. Kids certainly can learn that there are different rules with grandma than with mom, but for grandma's sake I think it's better if her rules don't clash with your big-picture family choices.

I was a nanny for a family in Germany who hired me to give Grandma some relief. She basically could no longer handle the 3 1/2 year-old son for more than a half day, because she was unable to set any boundaries with him. Of course, in this case her choices were similar to the parents (his mom once came home and gleefully announced that the boy had eaten 3 ice cream cones, wasn't he so amazing), but as an outsider to the family I could see that they were creating a little monster by indulging this kid's every whim. The video talks about the benefits of the child getting in touch with the family heritage by spending time with grandma, but shouldn't they also be given the opportunity to respect grandma?