Advntures in Orthodontia

We are embarking on a long-dreaded journey into addressing Adelaide's tooth and jaw situation (dreaded by me, and eagerly awaited by her). I remain hopeful that there have been advances since 1981, when I first began my relationship with Dr. Drake, or "Darth" as we liked to call him (due to his tendency to wheeze rather heavily as he shoved his sausage-like fingers into your mouth.) So far, I see some improvements.

(looks like someone else out there enjoyed "Darth Drake")

Firstly, we aren't proceeding directly to braces. We may be needing an appliance called a twin block, which sounds painful but comes in lots of pretty colors. I couldn't remember the name of the device, and I'm too lazy to get up and look at the paper from today's visit, so I looked it up online, where I discovered this scary scary torture page. (I spare you the photos. Look if you dare.) Shudder. Adelaide wanted to be able to show the color options to her friend, so we took a picture of some of her favorites.Secondly, the consult involved a 360 degree X-ray and photos of the teeth, but so far no gag-inducing rubber mold of the mouth. Of course, they may just save that for when you get started, so you'll come back. I can recall the horror to this day of wearing the "smileys" (lip retractors) and gagging on the casting material. I thought it was clever that they had her hold the retractors herself while they took photos. Again, not what I saw happening with the patients being treated, but a good start.

Thirdly, they whipped out their iPad to show us what the twin block looked like, and had nice full-color photos at our fingertips. The funniest thing happened at the end of our appointment, however. They mentioned that if the twin block is not enough to correct the bite, headgear may be necessary in addition. Now, this gave me some phantom pains in both my jaw and my psyche, as the mere mention of the word "headgear" might for many of you. I of course knew what we were talking about here, but Adelaide wanted to see what that was, so they paged through their photos on the iPad until they reached headgear. Instead of a modern color photograph, they had a 70's-esque pencil sketch of a girl with the headgear strapped on. I searched in vain to find the image online (again, scary scary torture torture) to no avail, but believe me, I am about 99% certain it could have been in a pamphlet in Dr. Drake's office about 30 years ago. It basically said to me "fork over your dough for the sparkle tech wonder device, but if that doesn't work, it's back to the dark ages for some real pain and suffering."

Poor kid.

I did enjoy seeing that American Girl dolls across this great nation of ours are also being tortured with headgear so they can match their owners. Also that there are websites for sharing so-called "Headgear Stories," presumably functioning as post-traumatic stress online groups for those of us who went through the experience in childhood.

Stay tuned for updates. I may need the group therapy, after all.

10 on the 10th

8:45 am

3:10 pm

4:45 pm

4:50 pm

4:55 pm

5:00 pm

5:05 pm

5:10 pm

5:15 pm

6:00 pm

6:30 pm

6:40 pm

7:15 pm

Dinner Conversation

A: I can crack my butt.

C: What?

A: You know how some people can crack their knuckles?

C: Yeah?

A: Well, I can crack my butt.

C: I have a lot of questions, but I'm afraid to ask.

A: XXX* can crack her butt, too.


* Name omitted to protect the innocent.