Dinner Conversation

A: I can crack my butt.

C: What?

A: You know how some people can crack their knuckles?

C: Yeah?

A: Well, I can crack my butt.

C: I have a lot of questions, but I'm afraid to ask.

A: XXX* can crack her butt, too.


* Name omitted to protect the innocent.

Evening Conversation in the Car

A: I can't wait for tomorrow.

C: You're excited to be Superkid?

A: Yeah. Mom, try not to ruin my big day like you always do.

(Hmm. Not sure what is being referred to here, besides "bad cop" parenting like insisting on the wearing of leg coverings in December, and general killjoy mother status, but I will try my best. Something tells me it's not really under my control.)

Evening conversation

A: Mom, next year I'm going to be Pippi Longstocking for Halloween.

C: That's a good idea.

A: And you know that monkey she has?

C: Uh-huh?

A: I'll be Pippi, and you can be the monkey.

Bedtime Conversation

A: Mom, what does "melodramatic" mean?

C: It means overly dramatic.

A: What does "overly dramatic mean?"

C: Oh, someone who is melodramatic might make a big deal out of a little thing. Like get really emotional, or talk like this (proceeds to use a melodramatic voice to demonstrate).

A: Okay, thanks. It was in one of my books and I was wondering what it meant.

C: You're welcome.

Self-congratulatory parenting moment: I did not use the very handy example of this morning, when Adelaide's blouse was not looking the way she wanted it to, and she spent 45 minutes crying, complaining, declaring it to be a terrible day, and generally making life miserable for both of us. I will leave her to do her own thinking on that one.

The Countdown

After dinner conversation:

Mom, can I sharpen all of my pencils for school?

Yes.

Tonight?

Yes.

pause

Mom, should I put all my stuff in my pencil box?

Just your pencils.

pause

Mom, how many pencils do I need for school?

Twelve.

Can I sharpen all of them?

Yes.

Post-Camp Conversation

Adelaide has been enjoying her camp this week, which has "animals' for the theme. Yesterday they went to an IMAX movie which she told me was about elephants and orangutans and the people who helped them re-establish themselves in the wild. In her telling of it, the orangutans were endangered and scientists helped them become not endangered any more.

She then told me that she wanted to be one of them, and I felt proud that she would want to do interesting and important work as a biologist or similar role. But as she went on to describe in detail the journey the orangutans made back to the jungle, the boat ride, the swinging from the trees, the food they ate, I realized I had misunderstood. She was, in fact, wishing she were an orangutan.

The Ego is Intact

Pre-bath conversation:

A: I know they say nobody's perfect all the time, but I know someone who is.

C: (anticipating a potential compliment for her hard work on dinner and the bubble bath, or perhaps a tribute to the wonderful first grade teacher) Oh, yeah? Who is that?

A: Me.

Bedtime Social Planner, Optimist

From her bed, A calls out: Mom?

C: Yes?

A: Can you arrange a playdate for the day after tomorrow?

C: For Saturday?

A: Yes.

C: Sure hon. Who do you want to play with?

A: With Atticus.

C: Okay, I'll talk to his mom.

A: And Mom?

C: Yes?

A: Can you arrange a playdate with Rebecca for Sunday?

C: Maybe.

A: Does maybe mean yes, or no?

C: I have to see what we have scheduled, honey, I don't know yet.

A: I'm taking that maybe for a yes.

Jesus and the Fishes

Managed to turn a bedtime question about Jesus (too many uncensored Christmas carols lately, I guess!) into a quick review of evolution, which we have covered several times before.

Went something like this:

A: Mom, is Jesus the son of God?

C: That's what some people believe. But that is made up.

A: Sometimes I ask God questions.

C: It's okay to ask questions.

A: Like I ask, "why aren't turkeys purple?"

C: Well, if people asked questions and did science, they'd get a lot more answers than asking God questions. Because God doesn't ever answer anyone's questions, but science does.

A: Can science answer my question?

C: Sure, it already has. We know turkeys are the color they are because of evolution.

A: What is evolution?

C: Remember when we talked about how life on Earth started in the water, and was really simple, and then creatures got more complicated, and eventually they became land creatures?

A: Oh, yeah.

C: And before there were humans, there were apes that got more complicated and eventually became humans?

A: Yes.

"Real" Food

Late afternoon conversation.

A: Mom, I'm hungry.

C: Okay, I'll start making your dinner.

A: Can I have something right now?

C: Okay, how about some apple?

A: No, I want something real.

C: An apple is real!

A: No, I mean like a hot dog.

Car Conversation

Coming home from school today . . .

A: Mom, is that wet cement?

C: Yes.

A: Mom, can I . . .

C: No.

Dinner Conversation

A: Mom, wanna know why I laughed?

C: Sure.

A: Well, I was thinking about the neighbor's cat. And then I was thinking about the dance, the tanga.

C: Tango?

A: Yes, tango, and then I was thinking of the neighbor's cat dancing the tango, and that was why I was laughing.

C: That's pretty funny.

A: My mind just thinks like that. (Proceeds to get up and dance the tango with a broccoli stem rose between her teeth.)

Math for Aliens

This morning in the car, Adelaide's toy alien came along for the ride. He commented about the speed our spaceship could go, and asked if the "freeway" meant we were free to go as fast as we pleased. I informed him that we could drive 60 miles per hour, and then when he asked me what "60" meant, I told him he needed to talk directly to Adelaide (I was done having a conversation with an inanimate plastic object at that point.).

A: Okay, alien . . . listen. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. These are called numbers. Sixty is a number. You can only count to 6, because you have 3 fingers on each hand, but we count higher than that.

Alien: Silence. (perhaps counting to six in his head?)

Afterschool Conversation

Coming home from school in the car . . .

A: Mom, I like boys and girls.

C: You do, huh?

A: Yeah.

C: You're good at making friends with all kinds of people, aren't you.

A: Yeah. (Pause) I already have a boyfriend.

C: Oh, really?

A: Yeah.

C: Who is your boyfriend?

A: Carter. But Mom, don't tell him!

C: Okay, I won't tell him. What does that mean, that he's your boyfriend?

A: It means he's nice.

C: Yes, he is nice, isn't he.

A: But don't tell him he's my boyfriend, because he doesn't know.

C: Okay, I won't tell him, honey.

Dinner Conversation

A: Mom, I worship Grace.

C: Oh?

A: Yeah. And Gracie and Kaitlin worship me.

C: That's nice.

A: And Vanessa worships her mom.

C: Mm.

A: Mom, do you know what worship means?

C: Yes, I do.

A: What does it mean?

C: Well, it's when you think something is really, really great. Like it's the best thing ever.

A: Oh. (to her dinner) I worship you, cheese.

Car Conversation - Five Year-Old Philosopher

Driving to Target:

A: Mom, is there any emergency chocolate? (The label I used once when I found a bar of dark chocolate in the armrest holder and shared it with her.)

C: No, I haven't gotten anymore. I should get some, huh?

A: Yeah.

long pause

A: Mom, do you think Emergency Chocolate makes you have more emergencies?

C: (stifling a chuckle) Well, yes, I think it might.

Bedtime Conversation

C: Goodnight. I love you.

A: I'll love you your whole life, until you die and turn into dirt.

C: I'll love you my whole life, too.

A: Can I have fresh water, with four ice cubes?

C: Yes.

Dinner Conversation

C: So, how was school today?

A: Good.

C: Did anything special happen?

A: No.

pause

A: Well, D and I got married again.

A: Because now we're five, and last time we got married we were 4, so we got married again.

C: I see.

A: So now we just have to decide where to go on our honeymoon.

C: Daddy and I went to Canada on our honeymoon.

pause

C: If you could go anywhere you wanted on a trip, where would you go?

A: To Star Wars or where the Tooth Fairy lives.

Car Conversation

This morning, driving, with A in the back holding her stuffed reindeer (Candy Cane), this is what was said:

(Sung in a little ditty): "Mama's the best . . . but Candy Cane is better."

At least I know how I rate.

Car Quotes

This morning, as we were finishing up muffins and milk in the car outside of daycare:

A: Mom, I'm snorkeling.

C: mm?

A: Yeah. I am snorkeling, only I'm using a straw instead of a snorkel and milk instead of air.

C: Oh, I see.

/Pause/

(seatbelt clicks off)

A: Ahh, free at last!